Ensnared
by 0-0whut0-0
Summary: Matthew stretched out his gloved hand and watched as the pale white snow landed softly on the wooly red material and quickly melt away. "Alone. And cold." The honey blonde looked up at the heavily falling snow, his thin arms wrapping around his torso. "Just like the snow." Can anyone warm a frozen heart? Nikolas wears a scarf to hide the scars, But can he trust anyone to find out?
1. Chapter 1

**So hey guys! New story… I'm still working on All Because of a Horse Drawn Carriage, but right now I'm working on perfecting the pairings featured in that chapter, because they are two of my favorites. **

**Now unlike my other two stories, this one is a yoai, and if you don't like yaoi don't read. The first bunch chapters of this will come quick because I have a lot prewritten. **

**I Do Not Own Hetalia**

_**Ensnared**_

__Matthew stretched out his gloved hand and watched as the pale white snow landed softly on the wooly red material and quickly melt away.

_"Alone. And cold." _

The honey blonde looked up at the heavily falling snow, his thin arms wrapping around his torso.

_"Just like the snow."_

An icy wind blew through the layers he had worn that day, freezing him to the core. He smiled bitterly to himself.

_"A core that's already frozen."_

…_._

Matthew walked through the freshly fallen snow on the sidewalk on his way to Hetalia High, trying not to think about anything unhappy, though it usually always failed, when he heard quick footsteps. He turned and saw his best (and only) friend Bella, trying to catch up to him. He stopped, which allowed her to finally get to him.

As soon as she did though, she made a pouty face at him. "What's wrong with your face?" She asked, making a very self -conscience Matthew panic.

"M- my face! What! Do I have a pimple, measles, maple syrup, pan-"

Bella rolled her green eyes. "Mattie! Not like that, I meant your always frowning nowadays. It doesn't suit you at all." She said crossing her arms over her non-existent chest. Matthew looked taken aback for a few seconds before giving her a small but true smile, making Bella brighten noticeably, but in the back of her mind she still worried for her friend, whose smile seemed to get smaller every time she saw him.

The pair walked some more and got to the schools front gates in a matter of minutes, where Matthew had to stop and take a few deep breathes. School had always been hard for him. He wasn't a particularly big fellow, but skinny and lanky, making him an easier target for the schools bullies and the bullying was made even worse by the fact that he had come out to the whole school.

Bella glanced at Matthew worriedly. She opened her mouth to console, but her voice was overpowered by someone else's.

"Well! If it isn't Homo boy and his side kick the flat chested freak!"

Matthew visibly stiffened at the voice. "Shut up, Mathias!" Bella said coldly, folding her arms in front of her chest in spite of herself.

Mathias paid her no mind as he stalked toward Matthew who still had his back turned. He gripped the hem of Matthew's shirt in his hands. "Hey there Mattie." He whispered, his hot breathe rushing past Matthew's ear, making his skin crawl. "It's been awhile huh." Mathias's hands had found their way inside Matthew's shirt and were slowly making their way up his torso. Matthew's vision began to blur as black dots invaded his vision. The hands worked their way higher. Matthew couldn't breathe. His throat was closing up and his heart began beating faster and faster, feeling as though it was about to break through his chest. One hand began to move downward. Blood rushed to Matthew's head, making him dizzy. He barely registered Bella trying to scream at him to move, to do _something. _ But he couldn't. He was helpless in Mathias's iron grip. The hand got lower and things got darker. He swayed a little...

And then it was gone.

Matthew crumpled to the ground, gasping for breath. Bella kneeled next to him.

"Are you alright?" Matthew heard someone say. He looked up and his breathe caught. Looking down to him was a tall boy, about his age, with white hair and red eyes. He wore a black and white striped sweater with a fur lined black vest and knee high boots. He was beautiful. And he was holding a struggling Mathias by the collar of his shirt.

Matthew looked back down and coughed, a blush rising to his face.

"Let me go!" Mathias yelled, trying to get the boy to let go. The albino's smile immediately fell away from his face and his eyes got darker, making them look more like blood than rubies. Before Matthew could blink, The boy was on top of Mathias, straddling his hips, his face inches from Mathias's. Mathias gulped. The boy leaned forward until his mouth was at Mathias's ear and he whispered something Matthew couldn't hear. He was busy trying not to faint. Mathias's eyes widened and he scrabbled, trying to get up, then he ran away.

The boy turned to Matthew and Bella, his smile back in place. "Well he was annoying." He said simply.

"I'll get a teacher to take him to the nurse." Bella said quickly.

"Don't bother, I'll take him." The boy said.

"How?"

"Carry him of course." He said picking up a weakly protesting Matthew bridal style.

"Oh. Thank you… Um…"

The boy looked at Matthews now sleeping face. "Gilbert."

"_I've finally found you, Birdie." _


	2. Chapter 2

**So first off, I wanted to explain that this relationship may go a little fast, especially on Gilbert's part, but there is a reason for everything, my young ones. **

**This would have been out sooner but I had stuff to do. **

**So here it goes.**

…

First Matthew noticed how uncomfortable the bed he was in was. The hard plastic covered sheets stuck to his sweat and made his back ache. Second he noticed how heavy his torso felt. So heavy it made it rather hard to breathe. He opened his violet eyes. Only to see red ones staring straight into his own. They stared at each other for a few moments before Gilbert smiled hugely.

"Well hello there sleepy hea-AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" He yelled as he was unceremoniously thrown from Matthew's bed and onto the floor. "Owwwwwww…" He whined, looking up pitifully at Matthew. "Why'd you do that?" He asked standing up, rubbing his sore bottom.

"Well, what would you do if you saw someone you didn't know straddling you?" Matthew asked, bringing the sheet up to his chin. He thought he saw something like deep sadness pass over Gilbert features, but before he could blink, the albino was smiling again.

"Well, okay… I guess you're right… But it still hurt my awesome butt!" He complained.

Abruptly Matthew sat up. "What time is it? What period are we in?" He asked swiftly.

"Ummmm. It's about third period."

"WHAT! I need to go!" Matthew said, trying to untangle himself from the scratchy blanket that had captured him.

Gilbert stepped forward and with one hand he pushed Matthew back down, and with the other he grabbed Matthew's wrist and held it onto the bed. "No."

"W- what?" Matthew stuttered, trying to ignore the burning sensation that seemed to be coming from Gilberts hands on his chest and wrist. The one on his chest was on his rapidly beating heart.

"You're not leaving this room until you are 100 percent better." Gilbert said sounding serious.

"But I am better!" Matthew argued wiggling under the intense heat of Gilberts hands. _'Stop touching me… you're too warm… It burns.' _He thought to himself. He thrashed and struggled when suddenly the scorching hands were on his face, making him freeze completely. He looked straight into Gilbert's red eyes, which seemed to be getting closer and closer. "What are you-" Matthew was cut off by the warm soft being pressed against his own. His violet eyes widened and his heart slammed against his chest, almost excruciatingly so. His brain told him to pull away, but his heart told him differently.

His pounding heart beat resonated in his ears as he slid his eyes closed and tilted his head to deepen the kiss. Gilbert softly moaned and out a leg onto the next to Matthews body, and out his left hand on the back of Matthew's neck, pushing into him, ecstatic that Matthew was kissing back. Matthew responded by clutching Gilberts shirt, pulling it lightly, trying to bring him even closer.

Matthew didn't know why, but being this close to Gilbert felt natural… familiar even.

An image flashed behind Matthew's closed eyes.

_He was younger, maybe fourteen. He was being pushed up against a wall by someone he couldn't see. The whole body seemed to be fuzzy and almost see through. The only thing he did know was that he wasn't being forced into the situation. The other person was trailing burning kisses down his neck and his bare shoulders, his hands planted on Matthew's still clothed hips. Matthew's pale hands were tangled in the persons light hair. The person was lifting his head, about to reveal his face…_

Matthew gasped and shot backward, slamming his already aching head on the headboard. He clutched at his head while trying to control his rapid breathing and his beating heart.

"Are you alright Mattie?" Gilbert asked trying and failing to contain his laughter. Matthew glared at him.

"I'm fine, thank you for your concern." He stated sarcastically. Gilbert smiled.

"I've missed you." He whispered so quietly, Matthew didn't even hear him.

"Hm? What did you say Gilbert?" Matthew asked, putting his shoes on.

"Nothing." Gilbert said quickly. Then it dawned on him. "You know my name!" He said happily clapping his hands together.

"Uh. I'm pretty sure you said it earlier." Matthew said blushing at Gilbert's over enthusiastic smile. '_At least, I think he did.' _Matthew thought to himself.

At the same time Gilbert was thinking: '_Pssh. You were out cold when I said my name. You remember it.'_

They sat in silence, stuck in their own thoughts when someone knocked on the door, making Matthew jump a little. The door opened to reveal Bella and, the only other friend Matthew had, Nikolas. Nikolas was a rather unassuming character with light blonde hair and an ever present light blue scarf. He always kept him expression neutral, but his ice blue eyes looked bored and judgmental at the same time.

"Hello, Mattie! Are you feeling better?" Bella asked , smiling brightly, closing the door behind her.

"How'd you end up fainting, anyway?" Nikolas asked softly.

Matthew's eyes widened. "Mathias… He… Um…" Matthew stuttered, looking down.

"Sexually harassed him, causing him to have a panic attack, and hyperventilate and faint." Gilbert supplied. Matthew looked back at Nikolas.

"Yeah." He said lamely.

Matthew got really confused when Nikolas's eyes flashed dangerously. "Mathias did that, did he?" He asked softly, not looking at Matthew.

Gilbert smirked. "Does that… bother you?" Matthew gasped and turned to Gilbert to chastise him, but his words died on his lips when he saw Gilberts eyes. They were narrowed and even darker than before, and he had a smug smile on his face. Bella looked wordily between the two. Nikolas was staring daggers at Gilbert. His eyes narrowed to slits.

"No." He said coldly. "No it doesn't." He confirmed adjusting his scarf.

"Really?" Gilbert said, still smiling, but it was much more malicious than before. "'Cause it bothered me. It really bothered me when Mathias's filthy hands wound up around Mattie's chest." Gilbert said, acid dipping into his words. Nikolas's eyes had widened. His generally blank face was filled with fear, anger, and hatred, along with something else Matthew couldn't identify. But Gilbert didn't stop there. "The scumbag was whispering all of these obscenities right into Matti-"Gilbert was cut off but Matthew who had slapped him hard across the face.

Gilbert looked at Matthew. "Mattie." He said, and Matthew immediately felt guilty. Gilbert sounded genuinely hurt. Gilbert's eyes shone with pain, guilt, and strangely understanding. He looked down ashamed.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have hit you. That was out of line. B- but you shouldn't say things like that to others." He said sounding less and less confident as he went along. Gilbert looked back up, and Matthew's heart skipped a beat when he saw the earnest look in on the other boys face.

"Nah. I completely deserved that." He said putting a hand on Matthew's head, making Matthew go a lovely shade of scarlet. He looked to Nikolas. "I apologize. I just get overprotective sometimes." He said rubbing Matthews head fondly.

Nikolas's eyes narrowed. "Yes. Me too." He stated coldly. They stood in uncomfortable silence for a few moments.

"Ah. Um. We should head back. To class I mean." Bella interjected nervously.

Matthew shook off Gilbert's hand, much to Gilbert's disappointment, and walked to the door. "Y-yeah. Wouldn't want to miss English class…" With that he grabbed Bella's wrist and ran from the room.

Gilbert and Nikolas stood and stared at each other, neither wanting to back down first. Gilbert laughed a short breathy laugh and practically sauntered out of the room. Nikolas tightened his scarf before silently following.


	3. Chapter 3

**HELLO! Question time! What is your favorite color? Mine is yellow.**

**What are your top three favorite pairings? DenXNor, FinXSwede, PruXCan.**

**Sadly Finland and Sweden most likely won't be appearing in this fic, and if anyone is curious the Finland and Sweden couple is what I'm trying to perfect in my other story; All Because of a Horse Drawn Carriage… Which all of you new readers should go check out. Because it's pretty epic… Just saying… **

**ON TO THE STORY!**

…

Four hours later, Matthew found himself alone, standing in front a wrought iron gate that led into the town's cemetery. The snow from earlier had turned into freezing rain, which had pierced through Matthews light red hoodie, his blonde hair stuck to his face. His hands tightened around the bouquet of his papa's favorite flowers. Orange roses. He took a deep breath and pushed through the rusty gate, the grass making squishing noises under his feet. The air was cold and an infinite fog settled on the frozen ground, the grave stones just barely poking through it.

Matthew made his way through the graves, shivering a little from the cold, and a little from the creepy atmosphere. He took a few more steps and stopped in front of a simple gray grave stone. The epitaph read:

**A man who died before his time**

**1978-2010**

**Francis Bonnefoy**

That was it. Matthew clenched his fist. Those few words, when his papa deserved so much more. He deserved a story, a novel on how great, amazing, and supportive he was. He deserved to still be alive, not dead in a plain wooden coffin that didn't suit him at all in a 6 foot deep hole in the ground… or that's what Matthew thought he knew.

Matthew fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands, the flowers forgotten on the ground. "I deserve to be the one down there, not you." He said aloud, his voice cracking. "Anyone but you." He whispered, tears trailing down his already soaked face. "What really sucks is that I can't even remember why I was so upset, what we were talking about earlier that day, the way your voice sounds, or even the color of your eyes. Dad threw them all away. All the pictures of you, everything. All I can remember about you before the accident is your smile; but that's it! I try so hard to remember anything about you, and it kills me papa! It kills me that no matter how hard I try, I can't!" He began to sob, bending over the top of his legs. "Why did you have to die? W-why couldn't it have been me?!" Then I wouldn't have to live with this guilt, and then I could be up there, watching over my friends instead of forgetting them all!" He shouted into his legs.

"Stop being so selfish." A voice behind him said. Matthew practically jumped out of his skin. He turned to see who was disturbing his self- punishment, already half sure of who it was.

"G- Gilbert?" He whispered his blood shot eyes widening. He turned away. "Why are you here?"

Gilbert walked forward and knelt next to Matthew. "Visiting someone."

His voice didn't hold its usual vibrato of happiness and cockiness that Matthew had heard earlier. Instead he sounded empty and maybe a little angry. "Did you really mean what you said? About wanting to die?" Gilbert asked looking toward the sky. Matthew tugged his hoodie over his pale hands.

He didn't say anything. He barely knew Gilbert… did he?... No. He couldn't tell someone he just met something that deep yet… yet. That word bothered Matthew. As did the fact that he had a strong feeling that he knew Gilbert… from somewhere.

Gilbert tossed his arm around Matthew's shoulder and pulled him into an unexpected hug, his arms completely encompassing Matthew's smaller body. Matthew immediately tried to pull away, but Gilbert put on hand on the back of Matthews head and one securely around Matthew's waist, preventing him from getting away. "It's okay." Gilbert whispered into Matthew's ear. "You can cry if you need to." He said, putting his head on Matthews shoulder.

Matthew brought his hand up to push Gilbert away once again, but instead found himself grasping onto Gilberts shirt. Fresh tears slid down Matthew's puffy face. He buried his face into Gilbert's heated neck and sobbed. Gilbert whispered comforting words into Matthew's ear and tightened his grip. His eyes pricked with tears and before he knew it he was crying too. Not for himself, not because of Matthew, but for Matthew. He wept until Matthew had long stopped then kept crying. He would always cry for the ones he loved, even if they had no tears left.

… **(Anyone emotionally dead yet?)**

Nikolas slid his eyes closed and rubbed his forehead. He was the only member of the student council that was still at the school. Half because he had work to do, and half because he had fallen asleep in the meeting. Again. And no one bothered to wake him up. He glanced up at the clock and groaned. "It's already 7:30…" He looked down at his homework. "I guess I can do it tomorrow." He sighed.

When he finished packing his things, he made his way to the exit and upon getting there groaned again. Of course it was raining. Torrentially. "I could walk home… but I don't wanna get my coat wet… might as well wait it out." He decided, sliding down the wall.

He was about to drift off again when one of the classroom doors swung open and a young girl, a freshman, ran out, tears streaming down her face. She sprinted past Nikolas and right into the rain. _"Hm. Guess she just got rejected." _He thought to himself, looking back at the door to see who would follow. None other than Mathias walked out, eyes locking onto Nikolas's. He dragged himself over and plopped down next to Nikolas.

"How do you do it?' Mathias asked.

Nikolas looked at him. "Do what?"

"You get almost every girl in this school to profess their love to you almost every day. How can you turn them down?" Mathias asked, his face darkening.

Nikolas blinked. "Well, it's really easy when one doesn't actually like girls." He answered bluntly. Mathias's ace and ears turned completely red.

"Oh." Mathias answered lamely. They sat in silence for a few moments when Mathias turned to Nikolas and asked: "Have you ever… k-kissed another guy?"

Nikolas raised an eyebrow. "I- I mean cause, uh, is it the same? As kissing a girl?" Mathias rushed out.

Nikolas smirked, leaning closer. "Why don't I just show you?"

Mathias's brown eyes widened and he turned a new shade of red. "But I'm not-" Nikolas's eyebrow went up. "I mean I don't think-" Nikolas propped his head on his hand and smiled more. "I don't know anymore." Mathias sighed in defeat.

"So?" Nikolas said, not to gently pushing Mathias against the wall and crawled on top of Mathias, his legs on either side of Mathias's. "Why don't we find out?" He whispered putting his forehead against Mathias's. Mathias didn't push him off, but his face went even redder. "Have you ever kissed anyone before?" Nikolas asked, threading his fingers through Mathias's hair.

"Well… U-uh… No." Mathias stuttered. Nikolas sighed in mock exasperation.

"Then I guess I'll have to teach you too."

Mathias visibly gulped. Nikolas gently tilted Mathias's chin to the side and grazed his thumb over Mathias's lips. He took his other hand and guided Mathias's shaky hands to his hips.

Mathias's heart slammed against his chest. _"Why am I no stopping him?" _He thought as Nikolas's face came closer. Another part of his brain whispered. "_Because you don't want to." _ And he really didn't, which is what scared him the most. He wanted this. He wanted this he'd first laid eyes on Nikolas back when they were both fifteen. Mathias was instantly taken with Nikolas's laid back attitude and his rare smiles took his breath away. But what really got his heart going was Nikolas's eyes. They were beautiful, new and different.

He used to do anything to be noticed by Nikolas. Ask for his notes (Nikolas never took any), ask for a pencil (Nikolas never took notes, so no pencil necessary), and even asked to borrow a text book (Nikolas doesn't have a pencil to take notes from the text books, so he never bothered to bring them), but nothing ever worked. Nikolas would always remain cool and nonchalant, so Mathias went with the best next guy. Matthew. Matthew was kind and smart, not to mention cute, but Mathias put all his anger at not getting Nikolas's attention, onto Matthew, and probably mentally scarred him, and he wouldn't have cared, if it weren't for that other boy who seemed to have come out of nowhere.

The whispered "He's mine." Still rang in his ears.

And now the very guy he'd been trying to forget for these past two years was just moments away from kissing him.

"_Why?" _He thought. "_Why now?" _Nikolas brought his hands back up and twisted them into Mathias's wild hair. _"What's changed?" _Mathias felt Nikolas's breath on his cheek. Nikolas's pupils were blown wide, almost swallowing up the blue. His lips were centimeters away.

"And then you just… come together." Nikolas breathed, closing the gap shutting his eyes.

"_Finally." _Mathias's mind said. He quickly responded, closing his brown eyes and lightly pushed forward. His hands tightened on Nikolas's hips, pulling him closer.

Nikolas leant forward, pushing Mathias harder against the wall. His tongue slid on Mathias's bottom lip.

Mathias's eyes snapped open, and he pulled away gasping. Nikolas stared at him for a second before snorting.

"What?" Mathias asked, sounding offended.

"You kiss like a girl." Nikolas answered, way too amused.

Mathias's face, ears, and neck turned a bright cherry red. "Y-YOU KISS LIKE A GIRL!" He shouted shoving a hysterical Nikolas off his lap and running away, out into the now drizzling rain.

Nikolas smirked. "This will be fun." He said standing, fixing his scarf for he millionth time that day, grabbed his bag and walked of as well, whistling.

"_Lots and lots of fun."_


	4. Chapter 4

**Good day! So I was really happy to hear that some of you guys hate Mathias a little less now. I guess my mission is accomplished. **

**Also if anyone was wondering, I listen to music whilst writing. I go back and forth between a dude named Peter Hollens and Within Temptation.**

**I lost my voice like a boss.**

…

"Has anyone ever told you, that you make awesome tea?" Gilbert said another sip of his mint tea, closing his eyes to savor the taste. It was light and relaxing. And Matthew had made it.

After a while of sitting in the graveyard with the rain and fog, Gilbert had started to turn a little blue and sneezed a few times, so Matthew took Gilbert to his apartment, and made him some tea, gave him our blankets and a change of clothes.

"Thanks." Matthew called from the kitchen where he was washing dishes, looking adorable in his polar bear patterned pajamas.

Gilbert looked around the apartment from his perch on the white couch. It was extremely plain he noted. No color on the walls, no colorful furniture, not even a single picture. The only color in the whole room was a tattered blue ribbon that was tied to a silver lamp.

"Hey Matthew? Whose ribbon is this?" Gilbert asked, fingering the ribbon delicately. Matthew didn't answer for a while and Gilbert was about to ask again when Matthew finally answered, turning off the tap water.

"I… I think it was my papa's… Maybe." Matthew said quietly.

Gilbert's eyes widened. "_Oops." _He thought. He looked into the kitchen and he felt his heart clench. Matthew stood facing the wall, his back to Gilbert, his thin arms wrapped around himself. Gilbert placed his cup down and, after unwrapping himself from the blankets, walked into the kitchen. He put a hand on Matthew's shoulder and gently turned him around. He pushed his forehead against Matthews and looked into his eyes. They were so broken, so desperate, but so beautiful. Oh so beautiful.

Gilbert pulled Matthew into a warm hug and rocked him back and forth. This was how his mother hugged him when he felt down, even though he was a good two feet taller than her now.

"I… I barely know you." Matthew said his voice muffled by Gilbert's chest. Gilbert's heart fell, but he had to be strong. For Matthew. He pulled away, a smile on his face.

"Fine then. Ask me anything." He said.

Matthew put a hand under his chin as he thought. "What's your favorite song?" He asked.

"Hm. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays it's Too Sexy for My Shirt. On Tuesdays, Thursdays, Saturdays, and Sundays it's I'm Sexy and I know it." Gilbert answered, receiving a raised eyebrow from Matthew. "What?"

"Nothing." Matthew said waiving his hand. "Let's see…"

"Wait!" Gilbert yelled. "What's yours?"

"Closure." Matthew answered immediately. "Favorite color?" Gilbert opened his mouth. "You can only have one!" He added.

"Aw, you're no fun!" Gilbert complained. "But, it's chartreuse."

"Chartreuse?" Matthew asked sounding unamused. Gilbert smiled hugely and nodded. "Oh…Kay."

"Yours?" Gilbert asked enthusiastically.

"Red."

This went on for a good hour and Gilbert never ceased to surprise Matthew with his weird and outlandish answers. Yet something was bothering him. Matthew felt as though he had already knew all of the answers to the questions he had asked. But that was impossible. He'd never met Gilbert before… right?

"Anything else?" Gilbert asked.

"What's your biggest fear?"

"_Losing you again." _Gilbert thought. "Hm. Anything that crawls on the ground. In the dark. With tiny legs." He shivered.

Matthew put a hand over his mouth to hide his smile.

"Why do you keep hiding it?" Gilbert asked. He stood up from the counter he had been sitting on and lightly touched Matthew's wrist, bringing the hand down. "There." He said smiling. "I like it better when you smile." He said quietly. Matthew's cheeks turned a light shade of pink and he turned his smile into a fake pout. Gilbert dropped Matthew's hand and put his on the counter next to Matthew's lap. With the other he tilted Matthew's chin down so their faces would be centimeters apart. "But you're cute when you pout too." He said pushing forward and closing the distance between them.

He heard Matthew inhale sharply, but Matthew soon relaxed and pushed forward as well, pushing his hands through Gilbert's soft hair, holding him there. Matthew suddenly smiled.

"What?" Gilbert asked, pulling back as far as he could with Matthew's hands in his hair, smiling back.

"Your hair." Matthew cooed, beginning to pet Gilbert.

"My hair?" Gilbert asked, raising a pale eyebrow.

"It's soft. Like bird feathers." Matthew said threading his fingers through Gilbert bird like hair laughing.

Gilbert felt his heart speed up at Matthew's adorable gestures. "Do you like birds?" He asked putting his hands on top of Matthew's.

"Yeah!" Matthew exclaimed happily.

"I used to have a bird." Gilbert said, watching Matthew's face for any recognition, anything at all. "His name was Gilbird. Cause he was awesome, like me."

"Re-" Matthew started, then gasped.

_He was standing in a field, ten years old again, a small yellow puffball in his hands. He was so happy. _

Matthew shook his head, and looked back at Gilbert, who had the strangest look in his eyes. One of expectancy, need, and a hint of desperation. "I- I'm going to finish the dishes." Matthew said, gently pushing Gilbert away. He jumped off the counter and started the sink, and plunged his hands into the now cold water. He could feel Gilbert's gaze burning a hole into his back, but didn't turn around.

Suddenly there was a weight on his back and arms around his waist. He leaned back slightly into Gilbert's chest. Gilbert put a cheek on Matthew's head and sighed.

"We should go shopping." He said abruptly.

"What? Now?" Matthew asked.

"No, silly! We don't have school tomorrow. We'll get breakfast and go shopping, and It'll be easy cause I'm most likely gonna stay the night. We'' get more colorful furniture, and there's some new movies that I wanted to check out, so it's a win, win." Gilbert answered, rocking back and forth.

"More colorful furniture?" Matthew asked.

"Yeah! Your house needs more color. More color fits you better." Gilbert said rubbing his face in Matthew's hair.

"How would you know?" Matthew grumbled blushing at Gilbert's words and actions.

"_Cause you it used to be all that you wore." _Gilbert thought, but instead said: "Call it father's intuition."

Matthew snickered. "Father? You're not my dad."

Gilbert put a hand on Matthew's mouth. "So! Where should I sleep?" He asked laughing, glad that Matthew was laughing again.

…

_Pain. Fear. Agony. Dark. Cold._

_Hundreds of images shot through Matthews mind. Broken glass, flashing lights, red and blue, screams, sobbing, sirens. _

_Trapped. Matthew was trapped in the car. The doors were crushed in. Crimson liquid dropped from his forehead, into his eyes, blinding him, making him more trapped. His body burned when he tried to move. He was helpless. He tried to wipe his stinging eyes, but his arms wouldn't move. Everything was getting darker. The crimson clouding his vision became gray, the loud sounds were dulling. He was dying._

_No._

_No. _

"NO!" Matthew screamed, sitting bolt upright, slamming into something. He slowly opened his wet eyes and looked into Gilbert's large fear filled ones. Tears streamed down Matthew's pale cheeks as he clutched at Gilbert's shirt.

"G-Gil…" Matthew tried to say, but his throat was closing up. "H- He- Help me." He choked. "It's so dark." He whimpered.

Gilbert out his arms around Matthew's shoulders and pulled him into his chest, stroking his blonde hair. "Ssshhh." Gilbert cooed, rocking Matthew. "I'm here. I'll protect you." He whispered. Matthew buried his face into Gilberts shirt, sobbing loudly, tears soaking through it.

Gilbert hated this. Seeing Matthew like this. It made his heart ache. Matthew didn't deserve this. No one did. Gilbert tightened his arms around Matthew and kissed his forehead. ""I'm here. I'll always be here. I'm not going anywhere."

"That's what… you said… before." Matthew said, drowsiness causing him to slur his words. Gilbert's eyes widened.

"What?' He asked incredulously, but Matthew had fallen asleep. Gilbert took a shaky breath, laid down never letting go of Matthew, put the blanket over them both, and held Matthew closer. He closed his eyes.

"I'm sorry."


	5. Chapter 5

**You guys are lucky that I had all this prewritten. Cause I feel like craaaaaap. And because I'm a complete loser and have no friends, I'm going to rant to you people. Cause I can.**

**I woke up with a headache, but I had to go to school because I missed yesterday. I dropped my cellular device on the sidewalk, luckily it didn't break, in my AP chemistry class, I had to mix something while the fumes assaulted my nose and brain. And it's like crazy humid in the room, so I was sweating like buckets. I also almost dropped a flask. Then at lunch, the head of Tech crew gave me the schedule, I had to tell her I would miss a few days because we have marching band shows, then she told me ALL of the lights on the catwalk were out. And to fix them, one has to lean out of the catwalk, a few hundred feet in the air and replace the bulb, and if that doesn't work you have to take the light completely off, which needs two people. There are like 12 lights up there… **

**Then in orchestra, I accidently hole- punched my music on the wrong side, so I had to re hole punch it…. I HATE EVERYTHING!**

**Anyway….**

…

"Who's that?"

"He looks weird."

"He's creepy."

"Does he ever smile?"

All the whispered words, sideways glances fell on deaf ears and blind eyes. He should have cared, but he didn't. He just sat at his desk and looked out the window, not paying attention, not caring. He only cared for one thing, and he'd been torn away from it.

"Gilbert Beilschmidt!" The teacher called from the front of the room, shaking Gilbert from his Matthew filled thoughts.

"Yes?" He replied, putting his chin on his hand.

The teacher sighed. "See me after class." This made a few students giggle idiotically. But again. He didn't care.

…

"Mr. Beilschmidt." The teacher said sternly to the albino that stood in front of his desk, only half paying attention. "You've been here for a good three months, and so far you haven't impressed any of the other teachers or faculty." Gilbert stared blankly at the heavy set man. "No friends, no overly outstanding grades, zoning out during class. I know moving in the middle of the year is hard, especially for a teenager, and you had to leave the place you loved, but-" The teacher was cut off when Gilbert slammed his hand on the desk.

"I didn't leave the _place _I loved… I had to leave the _person _I love." Gilbert said. His eyes had gone dark and his words were dripping with ice. The teacher gulped visibly. "Now. If you'd excuse me, my mother needs help with dinner." With that Gilbert turned around and walked out, leaving behind a gaping teacher.

…

"Hey mom. I'm home." Gilbert said, walking through the front door. He bent down to take his shoes off. "Mom?" He called again straightening up and walking deeper into the house. She wasn't in the living room or the kitchen.

Finally he found her in her bedroom. She was sitting on the bed facing away from the door, her cell phone on the floor. Even from behind she looked disheveled. Her curly black hair was sticking up in odd directions, her yellow shirt crinkled, and she was slumped forward.

"Mom?" Gilbert repeated. His mother jumped slightly.

"Oh. Welcome home son." Gilbert frowned. She didn't sound right. Her voice her voice sounded rusty, like she'd been crying for hours. Gilbert walked until he was standing in front of her. He felt his stomach plummet. His mother's face was red and splotchy, and her eyes were puffy and bloodshot.

"Mom. What. Happened?" He asked taking her hand.

She took a deep breath and closed her gray eyes. She stayed that way for what felt like hours before she opened them again, her gray ones staring into Gilbert's red. "There was an accident." Gilbert nodded, dreading what might come next. "A car accident, and…and…" His mother started crying again. Gilbert squeezed her hand, urging her to go on, even though his stomach felt like ice. "Oh… Gil… They don't think he'll make it."

Gilbert's world stopped. "Who?" He asked numbly, though he already knew the answer.

"Francis was killed on impact. He has severe head trauma."

"Who mom?" Gilbert pushed, and when she didn't answer he got angry. "WHO!?" He shouted shaking her. His mother shook her head. Gilbert's mind shut down and tears fell nonstop down his face. His knees buckled and he collapsed to the floor. He slammed his fist into the ground over and over again. His body burned. It burned everywhere _**he **_had touched. His arms, legs, chest, neck, lips. His heart shattered into unfixable pieces. He couldn't breathe. He had to leave. Had to think.

Gilbert shot off the ground and practically sprinted from the house, barely remembering to put his shoes on. He ignored the strange looks his neighbors gave him, and kept running. He'd managed to get into town before having to catch his breath. As he walked with his head down, he didn't pay attention to where he was going, and slammed into someone.

"Oh. Sorry." He apologized numbly, looking down at the person. It was a girl with short blonde hair and big green eyes and she was covered in layers of clothes. He met the girls gaze as more tears fell from his eyes.

The small girl gasped, leapt forward, grabbed Gilbert's hand, and ran, tugging him along. Gilbert could have stopped her, yanked his hand out of her and run away, but for some strange reason he didn't want to. She pulled him along street after street, until finally they stopped in an old empty park, and both very out of breath. The girl dropped his hand and walked over to the rusty blue swing sets and sat down, swinging lightly. She turned to Gilbert and smiled kindly, patting the swing next to hers with her gloved hand. Gilbert wiped his eyes and took a deep breath before sitting down.

They sat in silence for what felt like eons. Gilbert kept his head down as more tears escaped and fell to the ground. The burning and pain in his heart grew more intense and real as he sat there.

A few more moments passed in silence. "He wouldn't want this you know." The girl said suddenly. He voice was cute and sweet. Gilbert's breath caught and his head swiveled to the girl. She turned to him, her expression calm. "He wouldn't want you to be like this. All sad and uncaring. Even if he were to die, he wouldn't want you to cry." She finished. Gilbert's eyes widened.

"How… How do you know this?" He whispered, his voice hoarse. "How do you know about Matt- Matthew?" He stuttered over his name. The girl turned away and smiled.

"I don't need to know him, but you have to believe that he will live, because he needs someone to believe in him." She gave Gilbert a sideways glance and smiled again. "I've got to get back before my brother finds out I left." She said standing.

"Wait." Gilbert called standing. The girl turned around. "What's your name?" He asked. The girl smiled widely.

"Lillie. We'll meet again. Good bye Gilbert." She said walking away, before Gilbert realized he'd never told her his name.

Gilbert looked to the night sky. His still burning lips, ever so slightly, tilted up as the last of his tears trailed down his cheeks.


	6. Chapter 6

**Hello! I had to take a break yesterday cause I felt like death died again. But I'm okay now.**

**I wanted to thank some people. **

**AnimeApprentice and Applepiegirl222 for being my first two followers. It means a lot to me.**

**XxCandy-BunniesxX spiritualnekohime4 harmlessmelody37 for being the first to review. As having ridiculous low self esteem, this helps me get through the day.**

**And For my favorite review : theinnerdork. THANK YOU!**

**Of course I thank all my other followers and likers whom I shall now list. AnimeApprentice Applepiegirl222, Aradia Williams, Aurelia Carriedo Fernandez, Carols the Llama, ChibChib, Crystal5422, DarkestDangel Estella Tweak, ForeverKinght, Froggiecool, Illead, Iluna Sorgina Talis, Kistunefighter12, Kssoccer, Kya the Super Special Awesome, Lizzmar, MarauderMoony21, Matthew Williams Jones, Princess-Canada, RaeWolf313, RunningWithNorthernWolves, Silverkadaj, TheWhalesAreAfterMe (LOVE YOUR USERNAME!), XxCandy-BunniesxX, amichalap, awesomenessandmaple, harmlessmelody37, otakuswimmerwriter, spiritualnekohime4, .77, theinnerdork, xXxXxlovelesslifexXxXx**

…

Gilbert awoke to the sound of his phone vibrating, the delicious smell of pancakes wafting through the apartment, and a missing Matthew.

He grabbed his phone and smiled at the irony. "Hi Lillie!" He exclaimed once he opened the phone.

"Good morning Gilbert." Lillie answered, her voice as quiet and calm as always. You could hear her brother, Vash, sighing unhappily in the back round. "How are you?" She asked.

"Better than ever! How about you?" He asked, happiness practically oozing from his very being.

"I'll get to leave the hospital today. The doctors said I could go out for awhile. So I'm going shopping with my Big Brother!" She answered sweetly.

"Really! That's great Lillie! I'm going shopping too!" Gilbert said, honestly glad for his friend. She'd been confined to a hospital bed since the day she turned seven. Her older brother Vash was extremely over protective of her, as she was very fragile, but that never stopped Lillie from sneaking out every so often, much to Vash's chagrin.

Lillie giggled. "I know. I think Vash wants to get going before it gets too busy. Have fun with Matthew!" She said then hung up. She had a thing for not saying goodbye.

Gilbert smiled. It no longer bothered him that she seemed to already know what he was doing, He'd gotten used to it long ago.

"Who was that?" Matthew asked from the doorway, his violet eyes refusing to meet Gilbert's. He had a silver tray piled up with pancakes and a large bottle of maple syrup balanced on his head. (**That's how I eat pancakes… Don't judge me!" **Gilbert got up to help him, taking the tray from him.

"Just a really close friend of mine. She helped me when I thought that yo-... through a really hard time…" Matthew looked at Gilbert with a puzzled expression.

"_Was he going to say something else?" _Matthew thought, but quickly dismissed it in favor of his pancakes with syrup.

Gilbert looked at Matthew slyly. "Why?" Matthew squeaked. "Are you jealous?" Gilbert teased.

Matthew's face turned a bright scarlet and he looked away to hide it. "N- no! Not at all!" He yelled a little to loudly. Suddenly Gilbert was on his back tickling him. "Aaaah! St- stop!" He laughed, rolling over so Gilbert was tickling his stomach, making him laugh harder.

"Not until you admit you're jealous!" Gilbert yelled joyfully.

"Never!"

…

"How can you _not_ like it?"

Matthews eye twitched. "How can you like it in the first place?"

"It's trendy."

"It's weird."

"What do you know?"

"I know it's weird. Now take that stupid zebra _thing_ off. You look ridiculous." Matthew said. Gilbert pouted. He was dressed in an absolutely ludicrous hoodie. The offending clothing was zebra striped and the hood was made to look like an actual zebra head. It even had a tail on the bottom hem.

"You're so mean." Gilbert mumbled, unzipping the jacket and putting it back on the rack.

Matthew actually had had a pretty successful day in the clothing department. Most of it was due to Gilbert. He had prevented Matthew from buying anything brown, tan, red (He had like sixteen red t' shirts!) or anything that had 'jean' like material. So far Matthew had gained a red hoodie (he argued that the red one looked better than the bright green one… and cried a little.) Four different colored t- shirts, four matching long sleeved shirts, and new brightly colored socks. The only thing bothering Matthew was that Gilbert refused to let him pay for any of it, so he had secretly begun looking for something to give to Gilbert to repay him… and he was NOT getting that atrocious hoodie. But that also meant he had nothing.

Out of nowhere his hand was grasped and he was tugged violently from the store.

"Gilbert? What's wrong?" He asked, trying to keep pace with Gilbert's rapid pace.

"That kid that tried to rape you the other day was there." Gilbert answered lowly.

"Mathias?" Matthew asked, a sinking hollow feeling settling in the pit of his stomach.

Gilbert abruptly stopped. "I don't think I can ever forgive him for even thinking about touching you." Gilbert said, his voice low, almost a growl. He put a hand to his forehead, covering his eyes. "That's the first time he's done something like that? Right?" He asked, not turning around, but squeezing Matthew's hand tighter. For some reason Matthew couldn't lie. He tugged his sleeve lower on the arm that Gilbert was holding.

"No. Usually its worse." Matthew answered looking down. Gilbert's whole body went completely rigid.

"How much worse?' Gilbert asked through clenched teeth. Matthew didn't think be a good idea to answer Gilbert, so he quickly tried to look for a distraction. His eyes lit up when they landed on a certain store.

"Oh, hey! A toy store. I haven't been in one of those in ages. C'mon!" He said with mock enthusiasm. He pulled a dragging Gilbert into the child infested store. Gilbert stayed stiff and uncharacteristically quiet while walking around. Matthew did everything to get him to respond: He talked to him, shook him, even hugged him, but Gilbert remained far away.

Then Matthew found it. A perfect present for Gilbert. He picked the object up and quickly purchased it while Gilbert was staring at something else.

He walked back to Gilbert and cleared his throat to get his attention. Gilbert raised an eyebrow at Matthew, who seemed to be jumping up and down with glee. Matthew thrust his closed hands forward into Gilbert's. "Here." He said smiling. "I got you something to cheer you up."

Gilbert stared at the small yellow chick in his hands for a few moments before his shoulders relaxed. He grabbed Matthew's hands and pulled him forward and rested his forehead against Matthew's, closing his ruby eyes. "Thank you." He whispered.

Matthew blushed and he looked down at their intertwined hands, the chicks feathers poking through their fingers. They stayed locked in that perfect moment, not caring about the young children running around their legs or gawking at the two teens.

Gilbert sighed, his red eyes opening again. "Sorry for spacing out like that. It's just the thought of someone touching you like that…" Gilbert looked away unable to finish the sentence.

"Hey. I don't have to worry about that anymore with you around, do I?" Matthew joked, touching Gilbert's pale cheek, getting Gilbert to look him in the eyes.

Gilbert smiled and came forward, planting a small kiss on Matthew's forehead.

…

It was when they were sitting on a bench in the food court when Matthew asked Gilbert a question.

"Hey, Gilbert?" Gilbert looked at Matthew and tilted his head to the left to show that he was listening. Matthew gulped. "Y- you act like… We've met before… Have we?" Gilbert froze, his smile gone. " Met before I mean." Matthew finished, fidgeting.

Gilbert's heart jumped. He knew that Matthew didn't remember him, but he also knew that there was some part of Matthew that did. He just had to find it. This was that chance. He opened his mouth.

"Mattie? Is that you?"

…(**Trol lol lol)**

Mathias blinked in confusion. He could have sworn he'd seen Matthew, but now he saw no one. He shook his head and looked back down at the magazines.

He was mindlessly flipping through one when something pressed against his back and a head appeared on his shoulder. His face turned dark red when he recognized him.

"N- N- Nikolas?' He stuttered. Nikolas's eyes flitted to his then back to the magazine rack. Mathias kept staring a Nikolas, taking this chance to study him up close. He noticed that Nikolas was really pale. Like _really _pale. A sickly pale. Mathias could see that Nikolas had dark circles under his eyes, and he could feel him shaking against him. "Are you feeling alright?" Mathias asked.

"Why?" Nikolas asked, not looking at him.

Mathias was confused with the question. "Because you look sick." He answered bluntly.

Nikolas rolled his icy eyes. "I meant, why do you care?" He asked, getting off of Mathias's shoulder and standing in front of him.

Mathias felt his face get warmer. "Well… uh… I don't know! I just wanna make sure that you're okay! Is that a crime?" Mathias ended up shouting a Nikolas.

Nikolas looked shocked for a second before smirking and taking a step forward, latching his arms around Mathias's neck. He leaned forward and spoke right against Mathias's lips. "No." He whispered. Just as he was about to close the distance, Mathias pulled back blushing.

"No offense, but I don't wanna kiss you." Nikolas's eyes flashed. Mathias quickly explained. "I'm more than 90 percent positive that you're sick. You might be contagious, and I hate being sick."

Nikolas rolled his eyes and let go. Mathias felt sad at the loss of Nikolas's touch, so without thinking he reached out and grabbed Nikolas's hand. Nikolas looked at their interlocked hands and Mathias only waited, not looking at Nikolas or their hands. Nikolas stared at their hands for what felt like forever before an almost unnoticeable smile tugged at the corners of his lips and his hand tightened around Mathias's, making Mathias smile and blush a heavenly red.

They walked from store to store, never letting go of each other. Mathias tried to ignore the fact that the more they walked, the worse Nikolas looked, but Nikolas wasn't complaining so he let it drop. Ten minutes later Nikolas stopped walking.

"Um. Nikolas? Are you okay?' Mathias asked, taking Nikolas's face in his hands. He was burning up.

Nikolas kept his head down and was even paler then before and he was shaking violently. "M- Mathias? I- I'm cold." Nikolas shuddered then swayed. Mathias shot his arms out and caught Nikolas.

"I knew you were sick." He said half dragging Nikolas to a bench. Once he got Nikolas into a sitting position, he got Nikolas's coat off. Then he moved to get his scarf off. When he put his hand on it, Nikolas grabbed his wrist weakly. Mathias looked into his pained blue eyes. "Nikolas?"

Nikolas shook his head. "N- no. Don't take the scarf off." He whispered, his voice hoarse.

"Why?" Mathias asked.

Nikolas didn't answer, choosing instead to lean into Mathias, putting his head onto Mathias's chest, closing his eyes. Mathias stroked Nikolas's blonde hair, trying to think of a reason to why Nikolas had always had the scarf on, and why not take it off.

He'd ask Nikolas when he woke up from the deep sleep he was now in.


	7. Chapter 7

**Hello all! **

**So the last chapter left you with two (maybe three) mysteries. One was, why does Nikolas wear that scarf? Who called out to Matthew? **

**And then, one that I thought was sorta kinda answered, who is Gilbert to Matthew? **

**Only one of these mysteries shall be answered in this chapter…. Sort of two?**

**This chapter is mostly centralized around Nikolas and Mathias, but I like it. **

**Onto the story!**

…

"Oh Ivan! Hi!" Matthew said standing to greet the large boy that was walking toward Gilbert and himself. Ivan had chin length blonde, almost white hair. He had a childish smile on his face and playful purple eyes. But Gilbert saw past all the innocence.

Gilbert remained sitting while the boy ran forward and captured Matthew in a bear hug. Ivan completely covered Matthew's small body with his huge one. They talked for a moment before Matthew brought Ivan over to introduce the two.

"Gilbert, this is Ivan. Ivan this is Gilbert." Matthew explained, gesturing to each boy respectfully. Gilbert stood to shake Ivan's hand and noticed that Ivan was a good two feet taller and much wider than himself. He put out his hand and shook Ivan's large hand, never breaking eye contact with the other boy. Ivan smiled and squeezed Gilbert's hand tightly, and Gilbert had to hide a wince. Instead he also smiled back and squeezed, taking pleasure in the way Ivan's smile faltered, even if it was just a little.

"Hello!" Gilbert said forcefully. "I'm Gilbert Beilschmidt."

"Ivan Braginski. Matvey's _friend." _Ivan said. Gilbert's eyes darkened. He didn't like the way that Ivan had said the word friend. They let go of each other and Gilbert easily slipped his arm around Matthew's waist, settling his hand Matthew's slim waist, trying to ignore the fact that he could feel Matthew's bone. Gilbert looked up at Ivan and smirked when he saw Ivan's eyes flash. Ivan didn't say anything, but instead took Matthew thin hand. Gilbert felt his chest tighten with possessiveness.

"Come Matvey! Let's go to the ice cream shop! I'll buy you something, da?" Ivan said pulling Matthew forward, but Matthew dug his heels into the ground.

"Oh, thank you, but Gilbert already got me some." Matthew said, taking his hand back from Ivan. Ivan turned and shot Gilbert a glare that could have made puppies jump into volcanoes. Gilbert only smiled innocently and gave a little wave with the hand that wasn't on Matthew's hip.

"Actually, we were just on our way back to Matthew's place." Gilbert said, tightening his hand on Matthew's hip, bringing him closer against him.

"You can come with us if you'd like!" Matthew spoke up, much to Gilbert's chagrin. Ivan's face brightened and he smiled that child- like smile again.

"I think I shall!" He glanced at Gilbert. "I would definitely like to get to know Gilbert a little more, hm?" Ivan said, unsuccessfully hiding the sarcasm dripping in his voice.

As they walked out of the mall, Ivan and Gilbert kept shooting dark looks behind Matthew's back, while Matthew remained blissfully unaware, walking happily out of the front entrance, thinking of the best day he'd ever had… or could remember happening.

…

Nikolas woke with a start. His heart was pounding against his ribcage, and cold sweat trickled down his back and face making him shiver. The dreams kept getting worse and more vivid. He looked around the unfamiliar bed room, reaching up to touch his scarf, only to find that it wasn't there. His labored breath caught and he looked around for it wildly. Not finding it anywhere in the huge room, he decided to get up and look for it. He stood from the comfortable bed and grabbed the white sheet, and wrapped around himself, being sure to hide his neck. All that showed was the top of his head, his blonde hair all messed up from sleeping and falling in his face. He walked out of the room and found his way down the stairs. He walked around the large house, looking around every room, hoping to find either Mathias or his scarf. He hoped for the latter.

Nikolas rounded yet another corner and finally found what he was looking for. There racing away from him was Mathias fiddling with his pale yellow scarf. Nikolas felt a wave of anger wash over him. She spoke lowly, barely holding in his rage. "I thought I made it clear. I asked you not to touch my scarf."

Mathias visibly tensed, not daring to turn around. "I… I just wanted to know. I didn't know… It was so bad. I didn't think it was a big deal." Mathias said quietly. He sounded as though he'd been crying. Mathias turned around, his puffy eyes downcast and his cheeks tinted red, his long arm outstretched with the scarf in his hand. Nikolas's eyes flashed dangerously, making Mathias flinch.

Nikolas snatched the scarf out of Mathias's hand without saying a word and turned away, going back up the stairs.

Mathias sighed and rubbed the back of his head, feeling like the biggest idiot in the world. In the middle of berating himself, he made the decision to go and apologies, which he very rarely did, but this time he'd really screwed up. He approached his bedroom door and knocked. When he didn't hear anything, he hesitantly walked in, finding Nikolas still wrapped up in the sheet, holding the scarf in his hands, his legs over the side of the bed.

Mathias sighed and sat down next to Nikolas on the bed, their arms just barely touching.

"If… If you wanna talk, y…you can." Mathias said, not sure what to say in the tense silence. He glanced over at Nikolas, who was lightly tracing what were before hidden beneath the scarf. What should have remained hidden.

Scars. Thick, raised, and red scars encompassed his whole neck and ran down his collar, stopping only God knows where.

Nikolas laughed humorlessly. "If I had wanted to talk about it, I would have given you permission to take my scarf off." He said. His voice sounded rough.

Mathias turned fully to him and was shocked and speechless at what he saw. Nikolas's ice blue eyes were glistening with withheld tears. Before Mathias could think he reached out and touched Nikolas's face.

Nikolas closed his eyes and took a deep breathe, leaning into Mathias's hand. "I cannot tell you why I have these scars, not yet." He whispered. "Because I'm not ready to reopen that wound. Not because I don't trust you Mathias." He added when he saw Mathias's hurt expression.

Mathias felt a wave of warmth wash over him when Nikolas said his name, and gently smiled from the feeling. He softly took the pale scarf out of Nikolas's hands and pushed the sheet off of Nikolas' shoulders. Mathias let his right hand lightly trace the red scar nearest Nikolas's collar bone, and leaned forward and lightly kissed it, eliciting a shiver from Nikolas, before he wrapped the pale yellow wool around Nikolas's neck loosely, once again hiding what should have never been revealed.

Mathias let his hands fall back into his lap, but before they got there, Nikolas caught Mathias's hands in his own. Mathias looked up at Nikolas with confusion, then slight fear when he saw a devious glint in Nikolas's icy stare.

"I'm still mad at you for taking it off." He explained, playing with Mathias's fingers almost absentmindedly. Mathias gulped then yelped, then he suddenly found himself on his back with a smirking Nikolas hovering above him. Mathias blushed heavily as he tried to stutter out excuses and apologies.

Nikolas chuckled at those feeble attempts and leaned down, catching Mathias's chapped lips with his own warm ones. Mathias remained frozen in shock, before he closed his eyes and kissed Nikolas back, wrapping his arms around Nikolas's neck, pulling him flush against himself. Nikolas buried his hands in Mathias's hair, before separating for breath. Then Nikolas did something Mathias had never seen him do before. Ever.

Nikolas smiled. A real genuine smile. Not one of those "I'm laughing at you because you're such a child" smile. A smile that melted away the ice in his eyes, and left only a pool of blue water. Mathias's breath was taken away and his heart skipped a beat. The smile made him feel special, important. Like he actually mattered to someone. He loved Nikolas's smile.

It made him beautiful.

…

**Just in case your worried, the next chapter has more Gil and Mattie love. Like by a lot…. **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hello there dear readers! **

**So as promised, this chapter will have lots of PruCan! **

**As always thank you for reading!**

…

To say that it was awkward when the three of them entered the apartment was the understatement of the century. Gilbert, Matthew and Ivan sat on the couch in that order not saying a single word. Ivan and Gilbert wouldn't even look at each other, and neither of them seemed to notice Matthew's uncomfortable fidgeting. Matthew couldn't take it anymore.

"Why don't we make lunch together?" He said jumping off the couch. The two boys' head whipped to look at Matthew, draining his burst of confidence. "Y-you know… C-cause I haven't eaten…. Yet." His voice seemed to get smaller and smaller, and his cheeks were turning a new shade of red, making Gilbert's heart ache in the best of ways. Gilbert's eyes softened and he stood and took Matthew's hand.

"Sure. Lunch sounds nice." He said, smiling. Not to be out done, Ivan stood as well, also smiling kindly.

"I already ate. But I'm okay with helping Matvey make his lunch." Ivan said, putting a hand on Matthew's soft blonde hair. Gilbert and Ivan stared each other down, neither relinquishing their grip on poor Matthew.

"W-well… L- Let's go then." Matthew said quietly, moving away from both boys. He didn't look back as he walked into the kitchen. If he had, he would have noticed that the other two were elbowing and trying to trip each other in order to get into the kitchen first. "I was thinking we could just eat sandwiches… Is that okay with you Gilbert?" Matthew asked getting the bread and all the other things needed to make a ham and cheese.

"Yeah!" Gilbert shouted back happily, making Ivan glare at him. Matthew reached for the plates on the highest shelf but couldn't quite reach. He huffed and crossed his arms over his small chest. Gilbert laughed silently, coming forward, placing a hand on Matthew's hip and reached up to grab the white plates. Matthew blushed when he felt Gilbert's torso against his back. Something about it felt natural. Gilbert brought his arm down with two plates in hand and placed them gently in front of Matthew, taking the opportunity so softly kiss the back of Matthew's head, making the shorter boy go even redder. Gilbert grinned when he felt Matthew press back against him, even if it was just a little bit.

Matthew turned his head around and looked confused for a second. "Where did Ivan go?" He asked, looking up at Gilbert, who was already looking intently down at him. "Gilbert?" Matthew whispered. He felt so vulnerable, so small, when Gilbert looked at him like that, but he didn't care. He found that he liked it…. Maybe a little too much.

Matthew blinked, and mentally shook himself. He didn't know Gilbert that well… But even now Matthew was doubting that fact himself. Ever since the day that he had "met" Gilbert, he had this unshakable feeling that he knew him… from _somewhere. _Matthew felt that he'd seen Gilbert, spoke to Gilbert, _felt _Gilbert… He just had to remember.

"W-we should eat." Matthew said, his voice was thin and a little shaky. Gilbert blinked, then took a step back, seeming to fall out of some sort of trance. Matthew tried to ignore the way his heart fell a little when Gilbert stepped away.

"Yeah. We should." Gilbert said, his voice lacking its usual tone. Gilbert turned away, and something inside Matthew broke. He rushed forward and hugged Gilbert from behind, making the taller boy freeze. "Birdie?" Matthew's eyes snapped open.

That name. Birdie.

"_Birrrdddieee!" Eight year old Gilbert whined. _

Matthew hugged Gilbert tighter. That voice rang throughout his head. Gilbert. Tears sprung to Matthew's eyes. Gilbert. He began to shake. _Gilbert. _Images flooded Matthew's mind. Images of him and Gilbert.

_They were thirteen. They stood in a field, hand in hand, laughing._

_They were five. They ate ice cream from the same bowl. _

_They were fourteen. Gilbert had him against a wall, kissing him fiercely. _

_They were two. Gilbert was pulling Matthew's hair._

_They were thirteen. Gilbert touched Matthew's pale cheek. "I think I lo… love you." _

_They were four. They walked through the preschool together, hand in hand. _

_They were twelve. Gilbert held Matthew as he cried. "I'll never leave you. I'll always be here. I promise Birdie." _

_They were fourteen. Matthew watched as Gilbert drove away, his car packed with all of his things. "You lied. You… lied." Matthew whispered. _

Matthew gasped when he felt an ice cold hand on his cheek. He had somehow ended up on the ground with Gilbert's arms around him. "Birdie?" Gilbert gulped. "Please say something." He whispered. His eyes were shining and were filled with concern. Matthew's eyes widened.

"Y-you lied… You said you'd never leave me…" Matthew choked out. Tears spilled from Gilbert's eyes. "You promised."

"I'm so sorry." Gilbert whispered shaking his head. "I'm sorry Mattie."

Matthew put his shaking hand on Gilbert's wet cheek. "I forgive you. You're here now." He put his head on Gilbert's chest and inhaled his scent. Leathery but earthy at the same time. Oh, how he missed it. "You won't leave again?"

"No. Never. Not again. I couldn't stand it." Gilbert whispered, rocking Matthew. His heart was going to burst. He remembered him. Finally, he had his little Birdie, and no one could take him away now. Not even God. "I'm never going to leave you again." He cried. He looked down to his Birdie. Matthew looked like an angel. His eyes were a little red from crying and his face was pale, but he was beautiful just the same. He was Matthew. His Birdie. Matthew let out a little laugh. "What?"

"I can remember you… but only you. It's sort of bittersweet." Matthew said, almost to himself. "Gil?"

Gilbert felt warmth spread through him at the nickname that only his mother and Matthew were allowed to use. "Yes?" He couldn't stop touching Matthew's face. Matthew took Gilbert's hand with his own.

"I love you."

…

**And that's where I shall end this chapter…. Mwa hahaha. **


	9. Chapter 9

**Ello! How are my readers today. It's only 7: 45 in the morning and I Feel like a truck has run me over…**

**Anyway… OH YEAH! If you guys have any questions about the story, I'll gladly answer them.**

…

Gilbert gasped. So long. For so long Gilbert had wanted to hear those three little words again. How his heart ached those three years, just to _touch_ Matthew, but to hear those words again… He never even dreamed of it. Ever since the day he was told that Matthew had lost his memories of him, his papa, everything, he couldn't help accept the fact that Matthew would never say those three hallowed words he wanted to hear the most.

"Gil?" Matthew whispered, concern etched on his beautiful, precious face. The albino hadn't moved a muscle since Matthew had spoken. His ruby eyes had glazed over and he seemed to be in some kind of trance. Matthew put his arms around Gilbert's neck and pulled himself up into a sitting position. He put his thin hands on either side of Gilbert's pale face and bit the inside of his lip, thinking. Gilbert didn't even seem to be breathing. Matthew put his forehead against Gilbert's. "Gilbert?" He breathed. He was getting really worried.

Matthew stood to go call Bella to see if she could give any advice on how to help someone who was in shock. When he took a step away, he felt a hand grip his wrist. His head whipped around to find Gilbert staring at him intensely, his eyes dark with need.

Violet met scarlet and it was like someone flipped a switch. Gilbert pulled Matthew down to him and with a little squeak Matthew landed on top of Gilbert, a smile on his face that could light up Hell itself. Gilbert wrapped his arms around Matthew's shoulders, as Matthew hooked his arms around Gilbert's neck. They looked at each other for a split second before their lips crashed together. Matthew moaned softly and twisted his fingers in Gilbert's short white hair.

Gilbert slid his tongue along Matthew's lower lip, begging for entrance, which Matthew more than happily gave. Gilbert explored Matthew's mouth, familiarizing himself with it again. Matthew still tasted the same; maple syrup and pancakes. They separated for much needed oxygen, and Gilbert practically devoured Matthew's neck, leaving deep red marks on Matthew's soft white skin.

Gilbert's hands had trouble staying still. They were roaming all over Matthew's body. They brushed his over his sides, stroked his this, and caressed his neck. He would never get enough of Matthew.

"Love you…" Gilbert said between his kisses. "Love you so much." He breathed. Matthew's already pounding heart fluttered with unbound joy. Matthew wrapped his legs around Gilbert's torso and their lips found each other's once again. Their tongues danced together, neither of them getting enough.

Matthew tugged at the bottom of Gilbert's shirt. Gilbert seemed to get the message and he lifted the blue shirt over his head, shivering as the cold air hit his bare chest and back. He didn't stay cold for long though. Matthew slid his warm hands up and down Gilbert's smooth muscled chest, eliciting gasps and moans of pleasure from Gilbert.

Gilbert tried to do the same thing with Matthew's shirt, but every time Gilbert reached for the hem, Matthew would knock his hands away. On the third try Matthew, again, knocked his hands away.

"N-no." He said. Matthew opened his eyes and tapped their foreheads together, his breathing labored.

"Why?" Gilbert almost whined, also opening his eyes to look into his lovers.

Matthew placed his hands on Gilbert's neck. "Just… No." He breathed. "Please."

Gilbert reached up and brushed a stray piece of hair out of Matthew's eyes, his eyes still puzzled. Matthew closed his eyes and silently begged Gilbert not to ask again.

"Okay."

Matthew's eyes snapped open. "W-What?" He stuttered. Gilbert smiled.

"I said okay."

Matthew couldn't help but smile back. Gilbert's smile had always been infectious. Gilbert went to kiss Matthew again, but Matthew's stomach had different plans. It growled loudly and Matthew's face turned beet red as Gilbert laughed hysterically.

"I guess we should eat, huh?" Gilbert asked, once done with laughing, patting Matthew's stomach. He stood and helped a still very red Matthew up. Gilbert was again forced to pay no mind to how light Matthew was.

"Y-Yeah…"

…

Nikolas unlocked the door to his small house and was immediately greeted with sounds of his parents laughing along with his little brother, Emil. He sighed and took his coat and shoes off, leaving his scarf on, but untying it, so the thick scars peeked through the top of his collar.

"Lukas? Is that you?" His mother called from the dining room, using his middle name instead of his first.

"Yeah." He answered walking into the dining room.

His mother smiled up at him. "You're home late. Where were you? I was starting to worry."

"I was at the mall." He answered simply. His mother seemed content with that and she turned back to her food. Nikolas walked into the kitchen and got some of the skyr* his mother had made, even though he hated Icelandic food. It wasn't like he was actually going to eat it anyway. He brought it to the table and sat next to Emil, who, for a twelve year old, was quite serious and quiet. Emil gave his brother a curt nod in greeting and in return Nikolas gave him a tiny smile.

Emil and Nikolas were only half -brothers. Before Nikolas was born, his mother had an affair with another man while away on a business trip. When the man found out that he had gotten Nikolas's mother pregnant, he actually stayed with her and took care of her for nine months, until Nikolas was born. Then his mother had to go said she had to go back home, where her husband was waiting. There was a nasty fight over who would get Nikolas, and in the end his mother had won. And as anyone could guess, her husband wasn't all too thrilled when she came home with a newborn son that wasn't his. Five years later came his child Emil. Amos was nice enough, but it was painfully obvious he didn't like Nikolas all that much. He'd even made his mother call him Lukas, because Nikolas was "the other man's name." and he wanted no reminders of his wife's infidelity. But he was stuck with Nikolas. And Nikolas was looking more and more like his real father every day, adding fuel to the fire.

"You were at the mall… for seven hours?" Amos asked. Nikolas sighed. Of course that excuse wouldn't be good enough for him. Nothing ever was.

Nikolas's eyes flashed up to Amos for a second, then back down. "Yes." He replied. Emil's blue eyes slid to look sideways at his brother. He noticed the clip that usually kept Nikolas's hair back was missing. His father narrowed his eyes, but didn't say anything, for which Emil was glad.

The family sat in tense silence, the only sounds were coming from the scraping of forks against plates. Nikolas stood abruptly.

"I have homework." He said bluntly leaving the room.

"But you haven't touched your food!" His mother called after him.

"He hates Icelandic food." Emil stated, taking both plates to the sink. He turned to the fridge and took out a chocolate bar.

"Then the little bastard can starve!" His father shouted.

"Amos!" His mother shouted.

Emil didn't hear the rest of the soon to be argument. Those seemed to be happening a lot lately. He stood in front of his big brother.

Nikolas faced his closed bedroom door, his head down and his fists clenched. Emil touched his shoulder. Nikolas took a deep breath and turned toward his brother, his eyes shining. Emil stepped forward and wrapped his small arms around Nikolas's torso. Soon he felt Nikolas shaking and grasping onto him for dear life as he cried over a man that would never see him as a son.


	10. Chapter 10

**Wassup?! It's been awhile, I know, but I've had marching band and tech crew and school. I was at my school for 14 hours two days ago because we went to the football game after the competition. MEEEEH!**

…

"You should go to bed Emil." Nikolas said from his spot on the floor. He sat cross- legged on his blue carpeted floor, his homework and student council work mixed and spread all around himself. He had changed out of his high collared dress shirt and tight, but not too tight, black jeans in favor of his soft black plaid pajamas and dark blue hoodie, his scarf neatly folded on his dresser.

"Your clip is missing." Emil said, completely out of the blue, making Nikolas pause for only a moment.

"I didn't wear it today." Nikolas said back, packing up his work, not looking his little brother in the eyes.

"You father gave it to you… And you wear it every day… and you have OCD… and-"

"Okay, fine!" Nikolas snapped. There was an awkward strained silence.

"Sooo… where were you then?" Emil broke it.

"I started out at the mall, but I got sick somehow and fainted, so Mathias, you know him right?" Emil nodded urging his brother on. He and Nikolas's father were the only two that knew of Nikolas's crush. And Emil was the only other one who knew that Nikolas had contact with his birth-father. A few years ago, while Amos and their mother were out, a mysterious man came to the house and introduced himself as Nikolas, and arranged for his son to video chat him whenever they wanted, as long as his mother didn't find out. The father and son had even gone out together a few times on father son outings. When Nikolas had met Emil, he immediately liked him and treated him as though his son and Emil were full brothers. They hadn't lost contact since.

"Well he brought me to his house and… Nikolas took a deep breath. "And he took off my scarf."

Emil's once expressionless face morphed into one of shock. "Did you tell him?"

"No. But now he knows about the scars." Nikolas said quietly, subconsciously touching his sensitive neck, his hand traveling down until it touched his stomach.

Emil thought it best to change the subject before Nikolas could start having flashbacks. "You never told me why you like Mathias so much." He said quietly, as if trying not to startle Nikolas. Nikolas shook his head.

A soft smile crept to his lips. "Mathias… Mathias always has a smile on his face, which doesn't necessarily mean that he's happy, but even when he's not, he never fails to smile. I envy and love that about him. I also found it adorable how he tried to get my attention, but always thought he failed, when in reality it only made me love him more and more. But when he suddenly stopped and moved onto Mattie, I realized that I had to make my move, or lose him forever… so I did." Nikolas snickered. "He really was bad at kissing… but tonight, he seemed so confident, so sure of himself even though he was embarrassed."

Emil smiled. He hadn't seen his brother so animated, so… alive in a long, long time. Not since… three months ago. Nikolas sighed and flopped onto his bed.

"Do you like anyone Emil?" Nikolas asked, a sly edge to his voice as if he already knew. Emil's face went red and he got very flustered.

"No! Th- there's… NO!" He shouted. Nikolas raised an eyebrow and Emil looked down at his crossed legs. "F-fine. There is someone." He mumbled.

"Who's the unlucky guy?" Nikolas asked.

"How did you know it was a guy?!"

"You just told me." Nikolas said smirking. Emil sat on his bed, his mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. Then he huffed and face planted into his pillow.

Nikolas laughed, reaching for his lamp. "Good night brother."

Emil only hummed, his thoughts filling with a certain Asian boy.

…

Gilbert stared at Matthew's sleeping form, softly pulling his fingers through Matthew's curly blonde hair. Matthew sighed happily in his sleep, snuggling further into Gilbert's chest. Gilbert smiled gently, bringing up his arm so it wrapped around Matthew's waist, pulling him closer into his bare chest. Gilbert had decided that it was too much effort to put his shirt back on after he took it off, and Matthew didn't complain, so he kept it off.

The rest of their day was spent hugging, kissing, talking, and just enjoying each other's company, which they so desperately needed. Now they laid in Matthew's bed, their legs tangled and Matthew asleep on Gilbert shoulder.

Gilbert still really wanted to know why Matthew wanted to keep his hoodie on, but he also didn't want to scare Matthew or pressure him to do something he didn't want to talk about.

Besides it was enough, for now, just to lay with Matthew and revel in the fact that he had his little Birdie back in his arms which had been empty for far to long… But he vowed to find out one day, but when Matthew was good and ready.

Gilbert intertwined his hand with Matthew's and fell into a peaceful sleep.

…

Matthew lay on top of a hill, the thirteen year old boy wearing a short sleeve red t-shirt with khaki shorts and no shoes on, as it was so hot and humid outside, and Matthew preferred the cold. His hair was tied up with a golden tie that… someone had given him. He couldn't remember who.

He sighed and put his arms behind his head, his violet eyes getting tired. He closed them and sighed again. It had been a pretty good day, from what he could remember, except he hadn't seen Gilbert, his best friend, all day, and that made him more depressed than he'd like to admit. Matthew had been having strange feeling towards his albino friend for the past two months, and that scared him.

Like whenever Gilbert would touch him, his face would flush and his whole body would get warm. And whenever Gilbert would talk to him, his heart would pound in his chest, sometimes painfully hard. Matthew couldn't figure out what was going on with him. It was almost like he loved Gilbert…

Wait.

Matthew's eyes snapped open. "Oh no…" He thought to himself. "I love Gilbert." Then a warm bubbly feeling sprang up in his chest and spread throughout his whole body and a giddy laugh escaped his lips. He closed his eyes again, a stupid smile on his face and a pink blush adorned his cheeks. He reveled in his self made happiness for what felt like an eternity when he felt someone card their fingers through his hair. He startled a bit, but calmed when he saw that it was none other than Gilbert himself.

Gilbert smiled down at him, making Matthew's heart thrum. He smiled back and closed his eyes once more, feeling the warmth of Gilbert's hand in his hair lay claim to his body. When he was on the edge of sleep, he felt something rough brush over his lips.

His eyes sprung open and he squeaked when he saw how close Gilbert's face was to his own. A million thoughts ran through Matthew's mind; '_did Gilbert just kiss me?! What am I supposed to do? Why is he just staring at me?!' _ Gilbert's red piercing eyes looked down at Matthew. They were filled with emotion he'd never seen on anyone before. Need, fear, adoration. And on top of that: Love.

Suddenly Gilbert got off of Matthew and brought his legs up to his chest and buried his face into his knees. Matthew sat up as well, but couldn't find anything to say.

"Sorry." Gilbert mumbled into his legs. Matthew locked his gaze onto Gilbert's back. "I… please don't hate me Birdie." He said miserably.

Matthew's eyes saddened and he crawled up to Gilbert and put his hand on Gilbert's shaking shoulder. "Gil? Look at me?" He asked, gently turning Gilbert towards him. Gilbert looked at him, tears in his eyes. Matthew smiled kindly before leaning forward and lightly placed a kiss on Gilbert's chapped lips, and pulled away. "I could never hate you." He cupped Gilbert's face with his warm hands. "Ever."

Gilbert grinned and lunged at Matthew, engulfing him in a hug. "Mattie… I think… That I lo- love you." Gilbert said in his ear, making Matthew's heart beat madly in his chest and a tender warmth spread throughout his body once more. Matthew hummed and nuzzled into Gilbert's neck. He had always loved the way that Gilbert smelled; leather and a hint of vanilla. Gilbert backed away and palm up to Matthew's flushed cheek. He leaned forward and kissed Matthew again. It was quick and chaste, but beautiful.

…

Matthew opened his eyes. He was lying in a bed. A plastic breathing mask covering his mouth. Every breath sent fire down his spine. His head was pounding and groggy. Questions floated to the top of his murky pool of thoughts.

'_Where am I? How did I get here? _Who_ am I?'_

"Oh! You're awake!" Matthew startled at the voice to his right. A women with brown hair and green eyes appeared above him. Then her face changed into that of his fathers.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

Matthew cupped his ears with his trembling hands, trying to block out the acidic words and accusations. He began to shake violently and then his eyes snapped open.

He looked around the dark room as he tried to calm his rapidly beating heart and ragged breathing. His eyes landed on Gilbert's and he was soon gathered into a tight embrace. Tears fell down his face as he pushed Gilbert away and, ignoring Gilbert's hurt expression, got off the bed and wandered into the bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him. He opened the cupboard under the sink and searched for his razor with blurry eyes.

He needed release.


End file.
